My Heart is full of Secrets
by BadWolf1995
Summary: Why is everyone on the TARDIS behaving so strangely. The Doctor, Rose, Ianto and Jack have terrible secrets. Secret diaries might offer some clues. 10Rose JackIanto Hard to explain, just read it! Warnings: MPREG & ANGST. Plz R&R!
1. Chapter 1

UPDATE: I HAD TO REPOST THIS BECAUSE TROLLS WERE SPAMMING MY REVIEWS!!! ADJUST YOUR FAVOURITES & PLZ LEAVE A REVIEW AS ITS ALL LOOKING A BIT LONELY HERE NOW :( :( :(

Hi guys this is my first ever fanfic so please read and review and tell me what you think about it. I hope you like it. Its sort of an AU b/c I'm pretending the end of Journeys end never happened. What happened instead was that Rose and the Doctor got together and Jack and Ianto also decided to stay with the TARDIS and Donna and 10.5 are also there. Dont worry, it will make sence if you read it!! and I'll explain it more later but i don't want to give away too much of the plot right now so read on.

AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!!!!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who but I really wish I did. CURSE YOU RUSSELL T DAVIS!!!!!!!!!!! *shakes fist*

* * *

Donna Noble was very bored. The Doctor and Rose were busy in their room and Donna didn't really like thinking about what they were doing in there, it was probably something very naughty. Jack and Ianto were the same. They were always disappearing off taking random things with them. Thinking about what they were doing made her brain hurt more than all the time lord knowledge she had!

So Donna spent most of her time with the doctor's clone. Her clone too, she supposed. They definitely got on well together because they shared the same thoughts.

"God I'm so bored, let's do something" she said to her friend.

"Let's play a trick on someone!"

"Great idea Handy, we only do that every day," said Donna sarcastically. She called him Handy as a nickname. He objected to it at first but Donna thought he probably liked it now. "No, let's do something different."

"Have you noticed that everybody's been acting a bit weird recently?" asked Handy.

"Not really" Donna replied. "I don't see them often enough!"

"Seriously watch them. Rose is really quiet. I know her so well because I have..."

"We *know* you've got the same memories as the Doctor, Handy" Donna interrupted, rolling her eyes.

"Well she's acting like something's wrong. And Jack and Ianto, I think they might break up soon because they're both just kind of out of sorts."

"I really hadn't noticed. What do you think might be wrong?"

But Donna didn't get to hear Handy's answer because Jack walked into the room. "I think it's about time for dinner," he said.

"Time is all relative," Donna joked, hoping he hadn't noticed that she had just been talking about him!

Soon everyone sat round the big table. Jack was a surprisingly good cook, because he had picked up lots of recipes over all his years. Donna looked around, Handy was right. Rose barely said a word. When Donna looked into the Doctor's eyes she could tell he was worried too. Jack was trying to crack jokes, but he had this sadness in his eyes, more than usual. And Ianto was just acting plain strangely. He wasn't eating his dinner but just pushing it around with his fork, looking down. Donna wondered how she could have been so blind. Something was blatantly wrong and she had an idea how to find out what was wrong.

When everyone had gone off to bed, Donna grabbed Handy.

"There's something I've got to show you," she said, "but it's a secret. We might be able to find out what was wrong."

She went to the computer and her fingers moved over the keyboard quickly. It always amazed Handy how good she was at this sort of thing, but she was the Super Temp after all!

"There!" She exclaimed. "This document is called secret diary. I never read it before, but now I just want to know what is going on! Let's read it."

_April 11th_

_I'm so in love with him, we're so happy together. I'm glad I'm on the TARDIS with him, it's the best decision I ever made. When he looks into my eyes I can see that he loves me too, and I know that leaving everything behind to go on this adventure was right. When he touches me I feel tingles all over my body. When he kisses me I'm in heaven. I think I am in heaven, I'm just so happy!_

_April 12th_

_We made love five times today! He makes me feel so so SO good!_

"Ugh, too much information!" Donna said, wrinkling her nose.

"It doesn't seem like there's much wrong. Scroll down a bit, let's find out." Handy said.

_May 5th_

_I feel sick to my stomach. It's like my body is all wrong. I feel ill, so ill. I can't tell him because I know he loves me more than anything else in the world and it would scare him badly. There's nothing I can do to feel better, I think I'm dying. I don't want him to cry or feel scared. So I'm just going to pretend that nothings wrong, carry on as normal. He can't know I'm sick. I love him far too much to see him sad. I hope I get better. I want things to be just as they always were, with me and him laughing together and making love, all happy just like it should be._

Donna and Handy gasped.

"What a terrible secret," said Donna. "We need to find out who it is. We need to help them. They need a doctor!"

"Or *the Doctor*," Handy said.

"Keep on reading," said Donna, "we're going to work out who this is if it kills us!"

_May 13th_

_I'm still ill. I was sick again, three times. But for some reason with all this sickness I'm not wasting away. In fact I think I'm getting fatter. When I had a shower today I noticed I'm getting a bit of a belly. So whatever's wrong I don't think it's going to kill me. I'm feeling very relieved about that!! Its funny though, he noticed that I'm not drinking coffee as much as I used to. The smell of it turns my stomach and it feels like it's full of snakes crawling around inside me. He teased me about it and then he kissed my nose and stroked my hair. "You're a funny one," he said to me. "Always changing your likes and dislikes. You keep me on my toes more than anyone else I've met in my life. And I've met a lot of people!"_

_May 15th_

_ARGH! I AM SO ANNOYED BY THIS THROWING UP!!!!!!!!!_

_I still haven't told him, because I don't want him to be worrying._

"She should really tell him," Handy said, "it would make our job a lot easier!"

_May 29th_

_I talked to the Doctor today. He doesn't know that anything's wrong with me, but I was clever. I asked him if the TARDIS had any medical capabilities, like for making a diagnosis. I made it sound like I was curious about just how much it could do. He said it could. You just need to touch the coral and think hard about what you want it to do and the answer will come up on the screen. He said it even comes up with cures! It's such an amazing bit of technology._

_I feel good, there will be a cure and I will stop being sick all the time. He noticed I'm in a better mood. He said I'm practically glowing and even more beautiful than usual. I blushed._

_Tomorrow I will find out the problem._

_May 30th_

_OH MY GOD. I'm pregnant. I don't know what to do. I can't tell him. The TARDIS was surprised, this has never happened before! What if our baby is a freak?_

* * *

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

Who's having a baby? Is it Rose? Is it Ianto? Is it Jack? Tune in next time!

there will be more from other characters POV in the next chapter!

P.S. I always call 10.5 Handy in my head but should I use a better name for him in the story?

You know you want to review or the badgers will get you LOL


	2. Chapter 2

OMG I watched yesterdays Torchwood and I'm devastated!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer: I still don't own Doctor Who. Why wont the BBC let me own it?????

Anyway please review!! Especially you people who added alerts but didn't leave me a review :'(

Donna and Handy looked at each other in shock.

"I can't believe Rose is pregnant!" Donna exclaimed. "I didn't think Time lords could have babies with humans"

"It's possible alright," replied Handy "lots of things are possible. I've seen things. Well not me but the Doctor. The actual Doctor I mean, but... ohhhh, it's complicated, you know."

"I know." Said Donna. Her time Lord brain was working in a frenzy trying to make sense of the whole situation. She could almost feel it vibrating. Lots of thoughts were flying around. What if...? But couldn't it be...? *gasp*! It might be...

"It doesn't even have to be Rose!" exclaimed Donna and Handy at the same time.

"I suppose we'll have to keep reading," said Handy. "There must be something in this diary which will tell us who it is."

_May 31st_

_I can't tell anyone about this. Not yet. I don't know if I'm ready to have a baby with him. I mean, I love him so so much but a BABY? I'm too young to have a baby!! Especially in our circumstances. Its surely not possible to have a healthy baby in our circumstances._

_June 2nd_

_I talked to him about babies today. He said maybe one day but probably not. With the way things are, with us facing peril every day, what sort of world would that be to bring a baby into? It's true. If only we could settle down somewhere quite. Me, him and the baby. If the baby is OK and healthy. What if it has flippers or something? Or two heads? AAAAH!!!_

_June 3rd_

_I consulted the TARDIS again. I wanted to know about if my baby would have any problems. My baby. That's the thing. I know he doesn't want it after our conversation yesterday. The TARDIS said our baby was going to be OK. Unusual but OK. It told me that if I wanted to, there was a way to make it go away. Maybe it's hormones or something, but the very thought of killing my baby made me feel sick, a different kind of sick to the usual kind (I'm still being sick every morning. It's crap). Because I love this baby. I can feel it inside me, a product of our love. I can't tell him. He might make me get rid of it._

_June 4th_

_Still being sick. 8.34 on the dot, as usual. It was horrible. He still hasn't noticed though. I'm careful about brushing my teeth. My little belly is sticking out now, I started wearing baggy clothes. Today he kissed me and said "You know when we were talking about babies?" I said yes. He continued "I really do love you so much. I love having you to myself. Maybe one day we'll settle down. But at the moment it's just you and me, the way I like it." I hope he didn't see my eyes filling with tears. When I was alone I cried and cried with my tears running like salty rivers all down my face, pouring out every bit of joy I have ever felt in my life. There is nothing now but sadness. And my baby._

"That's the last entry," Donna sighed.

"And we still don't know who it was."

"But we have found a vital clue," said Donna.

"Oh, you're clever, you," said Handy, "I know what it is..."

"Watch the bathrooms at 8.34!" They chorused.

~~That night~~

Rose often fell asleep listening to the double heartbeat of the love of her life. She felt so warm and safe wrapped up in his arms and smelling his woody smell. But recently she had been having trouble sleeping. Her secret was smothering her. She wanted so badly to tell her Doctor and maybe he would fix her. Fix everything.

She walked across the room and wrote in her diary.

_June 5th_

_I hate that we have to have secrets between us. When I came back, we talked about whether it would work out and promised each other honesty. No lying, no hiding the truth to protect eachother. Just me and the Doctor telling eachother everything. But it didn't work like that. I have my horrible secret and I don't want to see the look in his eyes if I ever told him. It would kill him and because of that it would kill me. And also I can't tell him the other secret. The one the TARDIS whispered to me. We still have a telepathic link. When Ianto wants people to know his secret he'll tell everyone and its not my place to do that._

_~The Doctor's diary~_

_June 5th. Well, sort of. Timey wimey and all that._

_I wish I knew what was wrong with my Rose. She is not herself and hasn't been for a while. When I try to touch her she springs back like an elastic band like she doesn't want me at all. I think she has stopped loving me. They always do in the end. It feels like my world has fallen apart. I have lost her so many times and now she is physically here with me forever but she doesn't want to be anywhere near me._

_~Jack's diary~_

_June 5th_

_Another day of Ianto acting weirdly. Once again I suggested that we have a shower together because he used to really like that but he said no. He doesn't like taking his clothes off near me anymore or letting me explore his body. He says he's getting fat. What else has he been doing? Oh yes, I spotted him eating anchovies with strawberry ice cream._

_OH MY GOD. I think I know what's wrong with him!!!! I had this friend who was a dancer and she was really beautiful. We didn't *do it*, she really was just a friend. Anyway she got this eating disorder and she would eat weird things and then be sick. Ianto is sick sometimes too. He thinks I can't hear. Of course I can._

_I really need to help him. My friend died from her problem because she starved to death. I will not let the same thing happen to the love of my life._

Even though it was the middle of the night, Jack woke his husband up.

"You're beautiful and I love you more than anything," he whispered. He kissed Ianto on the nose. Ianto rubbed his eyes sleepily.

"Thanks" he said.

"I know what's wrong with you, babe," he continued. "We'll get through this. We're strong and in love."

_~Ianto's diary~_

_June 5th_

_I think Jack knows. This changes everything!!! I'm scared!_

~8.34 toilet watch~

"I can hear someone being sick in this one" Handy whispered to Donna.

"This is our mummy-or-daddy-to-be then!" Donna was quite excited to have the mystery solved at last. She gripped Handy's hand as they waited impatiently for the toilet door to open. Whoever was in there was throwing up really really badly. It went on for ages.

Finally it stopped. They could hear the sound of running water and brushing teeth. Then the taps went off. Then footsteps. The lock going. Donna and Handy didn't even bother hiding, they were going to confront the person.

They held their breath.

Finally a figure emerged.

IT WAS ROSE!!

Donna grabbed her arm.

"Rose, we know your secret," she said. A look of horror flashed across Rose's face.

"But how? Please, please don't tell anyone. I... I'm going to be OK!"

"We looked at your diary," Handy said sheepishly. "We know you're pregnant but tell the Doctor because he'll be happy. I'm happy for you!"

_Rose's face twitched slightly. "I suppose you're right. But please don't tell him yet. Let me tell him when I'm ready."_

_~Rose's diary~_

_June 6th_

_They caught me being sick this morning. They think I'm pregnant because they read a diary and assumed it was me. But the TARDIS told me who is pregnant. It's Ianto. He wants to keep it a secret, I don't know why. But I will let them think it's me. It protects Ianto. Most of all, it protects me. They won't find out my own horrible secret, the sickness that eats away at my soul. The Doctor can't know about that because I love him so much. Nobody can. I am sick and even the TARDIS can't cure me. Even the Doctor can't cure me. So it must stay a secret._

* * *

What the #!$?# is wrong with Rose??? How and why is Ianto pregnant and what will happen?? Find out next time!

But first clicky on the reviewy button. Or the badgers will EAT YOU!

And also leave a review to show your support for the JANTO pairing!!!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

In the middle of the night Ianto sneaked out of bed. He was really hungry and craving to eat a marmite and jam sandwich. Because of his condition he kept eating really weird things. Once he found himself eating a bowl of tomato soup with marshmellows in it! He hoped he'd been quiet enough so as not to wake Jack up and alert any more suspicion. They hadn't talked but Ianto was still really worried about what Jack knew. Still, if he said it would be OK then maybe it would. But he would wait for Jack to say more before he said anything.

He started cutting the crusts off his sandwich. For some reason crusts made him feel really sick now. Then he raised the sandwich to his lips and anticipated the tastiness. He was startled by a hand on his shoulder. He jumped a foot in the air.

"Quick midnight snack eh?"

It was Rose. She had a knowing smile on her face.

"My tummy was rumbling," Ianto said quickly. His face was blushing scarlet and he knew he looked guilty as sin.

"I bet. So marmite and jam? That sounds a little bit... er... unusual."

"It's delicious," he replied. "Want to try some?"

"Er no thanks. Actually it's quite a serious conversation we need to have, Ianto. Shall we sit down?"

"Can I eat my sandwich while we talk?"

"I don't see why not." Rose said. They sat down on the kitchen table. Neither of them said a word, they just looked at each other. Oh God thought Ianto what does she want? Might she know?

More silence. Finally Rose broke it.

"I know you're pregnant," she said bluntly. Ianto felt like his whole world had collapsed. I've tried so hard to keep it a secret he thought.

"How did you...?" He blurted.

"It's not my fault. I didn't try to find it out or anything like that. What happened was that I still have a telepathic link with the TARDIS because of what happened to me. She knows you're pregnant. In fact she found it out, didn't she? But I found it out because she whispered it to me, I don't know why. It happens sometimes... it's just... weird."

Tears were running down Ianto's face. This was one of the worst things that could happen, his secret being revealed. By a blabbermouth time machine no less! But at the same time he felt strangely relieved, like he could finally talk to someone about this. And maybe Rose would know more about his condition. Maybe she would know why it had happened and what was going to happen.

"It's true" he sobbed. "I don't know why or how and I just couldn't tell anyone because it's probably wrong and it's probably a disgusting alien or something..."

"Shh, shhhh it's OK," said Rose and she put her arm around Ianto. "The TARDIS says it's a healthy baby and she's never wrong. So why don't you tell your husband and everything will be OK. You can enjoy your baby together."

"I.... I..."

"There's something you should know," said Rose in a more serious tone. "Donna and John read your diary on the computer." (Rose called 10.5 John. It sometimes annoyed him that he had so many names. He liked Handy best anyway!)

"Oh my god! So they know too?" Once again Ianto was worried. It felt like his stomach was full of slithering snakes.

"No they don't," said Rose. "I covered for you. They think I'm the one whose pregnant."

Ianto leapt up and hugged Rose. "Rose, you're a STAR! Thank you so much."

"Not so fast there... I want you to tell Jack. He'll be happy, he really will, I promise you."

"OK I will. But let me have a chance to think about how to tell him first. Please!"

"OK. By the way, you have jam all round your mouth."

They laughed and went back to their rooms.

_~Ianto's diary~_

_June 6th_

_Well Rose knows my secret. She thinks it's great! Which is kinda weird because I thought everyone would think it was sick and wrong. But maybe it isn't. Maybe it really is good. I can feel my baby moving inside me now. It's funny but I have a really strong feeling that it's a little girl. I can imagine her now. She'd have Jack's beautiful blue eyes, of course. I hope she has curly hair!_

_I can even imagine Jack holding her now. I will tell him tomorrow! Rose has made me feel so much better about everything. She really is brilliant._

_~Jack's diary~_

_June 6th_

_I was awake when Ianto left the room. I was awake while he wrote his diary, I could hear him tapping away on the keyboard. I was definitely awake as he slipped into bed beside me and kissed me. I could smell food on his breath. That's good I suppose, that he's eating, but I know it's all part of his horrible problem. I wish he'd talk to me about it. It's like an invisible wall between us. I just want to make everything OK with him but how can I if there's this distance between us? I know that because of my friend I can't just confront him with what I know. That will make things worse._

_The thought of my precious Ianto wasting away breaks my heart though. I love him far too much to risk losing him. But what can I do?_

Jack wiped away a single tear that had slipped down his smooth cheek. He climbed back into bed with his husband and wrapped his arms tightly around him. "I love you so much and I'm going to make this better" he whispered, breathing in Ianto's sweet woody scent.

~The next day~

Jack got up first. "I'm off to make breakfast, darling" he said to Ianto.

"Wait," said Ianto as he turned over in bed. "I need to talk to you about something really important."

Jack held his breath. Maybe Ianto would finally talk! "I'm all ears," he said and cupped his hands behind his ears and waggled them like an elephant. It always made Ianto laugh. It did now.

"This is weird," Ianto said. "It's really really weird and I don't know quite how to explain it. See the thing is, I've been being sick a lot recently. I think you might have noticed. I... I thought I was ill, maybe even dying. So I didn't tell anyone. But recently I found out what was wrong. As it happens, there's nothing wrong with me at all..."

"Oh," Jack said. Ianto clearly isn't ready to cope with his eating disorder, Jack thought.

"But something is happening. I don't know why or how but... but... oh there's no easy way to say this so I'll say it. I'm pregnant, Jack!"

"You're WHAT????"

"Look," said Ianto. He pulled up his pyjama top and showed Jack his round little belly. Jack touched it softly and reverently. Tears were rolling down his face. Big tears of happiness.

"Oh Ianto, this is the best thing in the world! I love you so much!"

_~Jack's diary~_

_June 7th_

_Well Ianto's not dying. In fact it's the opposite of dying. There will be new life! That's right! I'm going to be a daddy. And Ianto's going to be a daddy! We're going to be the first gay couple to have a child of our own! I am so excited I could cry. I want to find a rooftop and shout out loudly "I am married to the best man in the world and he is bearing my child!!!"_

_I don't care if it's weird, I don't care what people think. Me and Ianto are going to have a baby of our very own. I'm already thinking of names. A nice Welsh name, I think, like its daddy. Oh I don't know. It's so exciting!! I am the happiest man in the world!!!!!!!! No scratch that. I am the happiest man in the whole universe!!!!!!!!_

_~Ianto's diary~_

_June 7th_

_He's... he's happy. Like, genuinely really happy. I told him and his face broke into the most beautiful smile. It was the best thing I have ever seen. He climbed into bed next to me and put his hand on my belly and just touched it for ages. "This is our baby in here, a symbol of our love" he said. And it is. She is. Our little curly-haired daughter with vivid cerulean eyes. We talked a little bit about how it would work. Would we leave the TARDIS and go back to Cardiff? I'm not sure if I want to raise our child in Cardiff, she might grow up to be... dull. And a baby that comes from me and Jack could never be dull. But if we keep raising her on the TARDIS her life will be dangerous. Mind, it's the life we chose and I think we could keep her safe. I don't know at all. Jack says we should talk to the Doctor. But first we should celebrate! He's watching me write this and I can see a twinkle in his eyes..._

~Breakfast time~

"Where's bloody Dorian Gray?" Donna raged. "I'm bloody starving!" (A/N Dorian Gray is this story about this guy who never ever aged and had lots of sex. A bit like a certain Captain Harkness hehe).

"Him and Ianto are still in bed. Best not disturb them eh?" said the Doctor. Rose smiled quietly to herself. Maybe Ianto had finally told Jack! Maybe they were reparing their relationship. But that would mean... Her train of thought was interrupted as Jack and Ianto walked in. Their arms were around each other.

"We have an announcement," Jack announced.

"I suppose we'll finally find out what was up with them," Handy whispered to Donna.

"We're pregnant!" Jack and Ianto chorused.

"Well, to be more precise, Ianto's pregnant" Jack said.

"But it's our baby. Ours! We're having a baby!" Ianto continued.

The Doctor spat his coffee across the room. Donna and Handy looked dumbstruck. Ianto and Rose BOTH pregnant?? There must be something in the water!

"What? What? WHAT?" shouted the Doctor. "This is unheard of! Really, truly making medical history." He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and moved towards Ianto. Ianto and Jack covered his belly protectively. "No, no, this won't hurt it. I just want to see! To study it! This is brilliant!" The sonic screwdriver whined. "Amazing," muttered the Doctor. "You are indeed pregnant with Jack's baby. Congratulations guys!" He stood up and shook their hands.

"I think we need a little more than a handshake for news like this," Jack teased.

"Quite right, quite right, hugs all round!" The Doctor threw his arms around the happy couple. Donna and Handy stood up and joined in. Rose stood up slowly. Her sickness was making her weak. "Come on darling, let's join the happy couple," the Doctor said to her.

Slowly she walked towards them. She was dizzy and the room was spinning round and round. Her knees began to wobble. And then blackness.

Rose fell on the floor. The Doctor ran to her and touched her.

"Oh God, she's not breathing!"

* * *

Is Rose OK? WHAT'S WRONG?

I Won't be continuting until I get more reviews so spread the word and stuff!!!!!!


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys sorry for being slow in updating. I wrote this chappie on the beach in MAJORCA!!!!!

* * *

The Doctor gaped in horror at the lifeless body of the girl who was his universe. Just seconds ago they had been happy and celebrating. Now... now... his brain buzzed with thoughts, he didn't know what to do. There was nothing but swirling thoughts and memories of everything they had shared together. Their first meeting. Their forced parting. And the sweet reunion and everything that had come after it. And now she was gone, gone like everything else. To the Doctor there was nothing but these thoughts, he was dimly aware of shouting in the background.

Jack rushed to Rose's side. "ROSE! ROSE!" He yelled, shaking her. "Rose please breathe." He put her on her back and began to do mouth to mouth. It wasn't the first time he had done this. Many times he had lost friends and those close to him. Many times he had gone through this trying desperately to revive them without success.

The Doctor wasn't aware of any of this. He was too busy thinking of his first official date with Rose. They shared a bag of chips at the seaside on a planet in the Andromeda galaxy in the year 5000.

Then suddenly he was shaken by his thoughts by a loud ginger woman shouting in his face.

"DOCTOR THIS IS NO TIME TO SHUT DOWN. NOW BLOODY TRY AND DO SOMETHING TO SAVE ROSE!!!!!!!!" Donna yelled.

Snapped from his thoughts he moved to Rose's side.

"Rose... Rose... I love you. Please, please... for me..." he whispered frantically. He planted a kiss on her blue lips.

And then he heard the sweetest noise. A small cough. Rose was breathing again!!

Jack, Ianto, Donna and Handy cheered. The Doctor picked Rose up and carried her to the bedroom.

"I almost lost you" the Doctor whispered as he laid her down on the bed.

"Almost..." Rose said weakly.

"Don't you worry I'm going to find out what's wrong with you and make you better. I'm your Doctor after all."

"No... no... it's me. I mean I know what's wrong with me. I've known for a long time. I... I can't say it. But... look my diary is over there. I want you to read it, to understand. Because I can't see your face when you know what it is... it's something I've done. Promise me you won't hate me Doctor. Because you might. It's bad. But... I've been wanting to get better. Truly I have. So... so try to understand. Try not to hate me because that would kill me." Rose said weakly.

"I couldn't possibly hate you. You know that. Now get some rest my love. You're sick."

He stroked her hair until she fell asleep. He listened to the soothing sound of her breathing, glad to know that she was still alive. Then he walked across the room to her diary. He felt a little funny opening it up. This was Rose's diary of secrets. But she had told him to look so he did.

_March 7th_

_I can't believe I found him again. We saved the world. We saved the universe!!!!! And now we're together and nothing can tear us apart. This is the best day of my life._

The Doctor smiled. Where could it have gone so wrong?

_March 9th_

_I was wrong. Today is the happiest day of my life. He took me to a planet I can't even remember the name. We ate chips and ice creams._

_March 10th_

_Phoned Mum and told her about everything. She was happy for me but she said something. She said careful you don't let yourself go darling. She said that with all this food we're eating I'll get all fat and that nobody wants that. I said that of course I'm careful with my food and that it was a treat because I'm on a date with the man I love. But now I think of it ever since Mum got back together with Dad she's been getting a bit fat... even though she's had a baby. And she once said that Dad doesn't like it. Oh well, I'm sure it's ok. It was just a date._

The Doctor shook his head. Sometimes Jackie could be a bit of a handful!!

_March 25th_

_I'm definitely gaining a few pounds. The Doctor keeps on spoiling me!!! I think I might need to go on a diet. I need to be fit for all the running around we do!_

_March 26th_

_Visit to Earth today, hooray!!! The Doctor made sure he bought all my favourite foods. I didn't have the heart to tell him I'm on a diet now because it will hurt his feelings. Donna saw her parents and bought some magazines. Handy... hehe I'm calling him Handy now too... he decided to go to the cinema. I don't know where Jack and Ianto went but they were probably doing it somewhere naughty. I think I heard them saying something about the top of Big Ben!!! Eww mental image. Anyway when we got back I had a look through Donna's magazines because I was bored while the Doctor was in the shower. I think I am definitely getting fat. I looked at the models. They look so skinny and I look like a big fat cow in a tracksuit. I wish I hadn't eaten so much today. Diet starts tomorrow and I will be strict with myself!!!!!_

_March 27th_

_I AM SOOOOOO HUNGRY!!! DIETS ARE RUBBISH!!!!!_

The Doctor didn't remember Rose ever being on a diet but he remembered the visit to Earth fondly. He supposed that she must have got over it quickly. He skipped through a few pages. He desperately wanted to know what was wrong.

_April 15th_

_The diet still is not working. I think I'm fatter than ever. When I look in the mirror all I see is fat fat fatness. I've stopped eating anything now because if I eat I just get FATTER!!!!!!!! The thing is I'm really hungry. Luckily nobody knows I'm not eating. I keep it a secret because I know that they will just make me eat again. So I hide my food or pretend I've already eaten a big meal. But I am hungry and I really want to eat chips._

_April 16th_

_Today I ate lots of chips and cake and a whole packet of maltesers. But don't worry because it won't make me fat. I found a solution to the problem!!!! I was just sick after I ate it all. Now I can eat whatever I like but I won't get fat.... I hope._

The Doctor looked over to Rose's sleeping form. Suddenly he understood the horrible disease that had grabbed her. Once Jack had got drunk and told him about a friend of his who had had the same thing. He put his head back down and looked through the diary. The entries got patchy. A lot of them were the words "STILL FAT" written over and over. He remembered carrying her to the bed and how light she was. He lifted the duvet and looked at her body.

She was skinny. Wasted away almost. Just skin and bones.

_June 2nd_

_Sometimes I think I want to get better, that I might die and that this is a sickness. But at the same time I want to be beautiful. I want the Doctor to go on loving me forever._

_~The Doctor's Diary~_

_June 8th_

_I can't believe how much I have failed Rose. She has bought herself close to death. And what did I do? Nothing!!!! Even when she wasn't breathing... still nothing! I don't deserve her. I will try to make her better. But there is pain in my heart. Like nothing I have ever felt before... It's all my fault, it is. I deserve this feeling. I am not hurting enough! I should be punished for all of this... I feel like I deserve to be punished._

Rose woke up the next morning with the Doctors arms around her. She saw tears in his chocolate orbs, tears of unmentionable sorrow.

"Did you...?"

"I read it" he said sadly. "Oh Rose this is so horrible, I can't believe it had to happen to you."

"I want to get better" Rose said weakly. "Will you help me?"

"Of course I will. I love you more than anything and I won't let anything bad happen to you."

Her recovery was slow, it took months. Sometimes the food the Doctor bought her would turn her stomach and she would think of all the calories. But sometimes she was fine. Each day she forced herself to eat. She never wanted to see the worry in the Doctor's eyes again. She wanted to live and be with the man she loved.

_~Rose's diary~_

_September 5th_

_I feel stronger every day. I don't give a crap how I look anymore. I haven't even worried about food in days!! It's amazing. I never thought I would be normal again, but I am. It's all down to the Doctor. He loves me, I love him and together we have got over this. I have to go... I can smell vinegar!! I think he's made me chips again..._

_~Ianto's diary~_

_September 5th_

_I am absolutely enormous now! None of us really know how long I'm going to be pregnant for, but we're assuming it will be like normal people. In which case, only another month of waddling around before we can meet our baby! I can honestly say I have never been so happy in my life. I can't believe how terrified I once was, but now everything feels so right. At night Jack lies next to me and holds me. He wraps his arms around me and rests his hands on my tummy. The three of us, a little family._

_~Jack's diary~_

_September 12th_

_Today I made a crib for the baby! I don't think I've ever done any DIY before but I feel very proud of myself. Ianto almost cried when he saw it. I cried too and I don't even have hormones to blame!! Only three weeks to go now!!!!!!_

It was less than three weeks before the baby came. Everyone was sitting around the dining table eating sheperds pie and peas made by Donna. Suddenly Ianto leapt up and cried out. Jack put his arms around him protectively.

"I think it's starting," Ianto said, looking frightened. The Doctor ran over and put his sonic screwdriver to Ianto's belly.

"It is indeed."

"It's too soon!" Jack said. "It's not meant to come for another three weeks!!"

"He's having a baby right now!!!" The Doctor exclaimed.

"BOIL SOME WATER!!!!" Donna yelled.

"I always wondered what that was for" Rose said. She was the only one still eating. Donna's cooking was delicious and she knew she had to keep her strength up.

"I DON'T BLOODY KNOW, BUT ISN'T IT WHAT YOU'RE MEANT TO DO?????"

"Owwwwwwwwwwwww!" moaned Ianto. "It really hurts!!!!"

Jack and the Doctor propped Ianto up and took him to lie down on the bed.

"Breathe, Ianto!" Jack said. Ianto puffed and panted and swore his head off.

"It £$%! hurts!!!!!!!!! Oh God it hurts so much!!!!!"

But the pain didn't last for long. After a bit more screaming and panting Ianto pushed the child into the world.

"It's a girl!" The Doctor said excitedly. "Ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes, you two have a perfect little baby girl!" He handed the little bundle to the happy couple. All the pain had left Ianto's face and he looked as peaceful and happy as his husband as he held their baby. Jack touched its little pink face in wonder.

_~Jack's diary~_

_September 13th_

_Our own little girl! She is beautiful. Her hair is exactly like Ianto's, but I think she has my eyes. We knew what we'd call her immediately. Megane Rose. Megane is a welsh name, from its daddy's side. And we just had to call her after Rose, too. Rose has been a tower of strength for us and without her I don't know what would have happened. I'm glad she's better because our Megane Rose is going to need her godmother to be healthy!_

_~Rose's diary~_

_September 13th_

_They named the baby after me! Well it's her middle name but I am so happy. And I get to be the godmother!!!!! I know now that I will never let myself get ill again. The Doctor needs me and now this beautiful new little life needs me too._

The next month was the happiest the TARDIS had ever seen. Jack and Ianto quickly took to being parents and equally shared all the nappy changing and feeding the baby. They spoilt her rotten. Every planet they visited they bought her a little present. And everyone else spoilt the baby too. Megane Rose was a happy little baby who rarely cried and everyone on the TARDIS was completely in love with her.

_~The Doctor's diary~_

_October 1st_

_Everything is... happy. I think this frightens me more than anything in the world. Trouble follows me around and I know that when something is good it turns into something bad. Like when I lost Rose. Then I found her again and I almost lost her all over again. She is OK now and I know she is better from her sickness. But who knows what will happen?_

_I'm also worried about Megane Rose. Her daddies are ecstatic. Of course they are, she's a miracle. But that's what I worry about. Miracles don't happen usually. Usually it's the sign of something bad. That beautiful little baby is a gift and there's no doubt about it but she's not supposed to exist. Men don't get pregnant. Men don't give birth. So... what's the story there? Obviously I can't express that to Jack and Ianto but I want to find out more._

_October 16th_

_Oh God now I know. Now I know and I wish I had never found out. Megane Rose is a perfectly healthy baby, and it's due to the TARDIS's influence that she exists. She really was a gift. The thing is, I found this out by talking to... oh I can't even say his name. But now he knows she exists and that she is connected with the TARDIS. Megane Rose is a special child alright and now I have alerted terrible people to her existence. They will come for her now. They will not stop. It is all my fault. I need to work out what to do to protect that baby. Oh God what have I done?_

* * *

Who is after the baby? What will become of everone? Tune in next time!!!

The badgers are looking at you hungrily. They want you to click the review button. I suggest you obey the badgers!!!!!!!!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclamer: WHYYYYYYYYYYY cant I own Dr Who??????

* * *

The Doctor was literally shaking as everybody sat round the table. He didn't want to make this announcement but he knew he had to. When he saw Ianto feeding the baby a bottle while proud dad Jack looked on the Doctor almost cried. He really didn't want to have to tear this beautiful little family apart.

"Will there be snacks?" Handy asked but donna quickly shushed him when she noticed the Doctor's sad face.

"I think it's not the time for snacks" the Doctor said. "I have some very bad news. I don't even know how to say it."

"Just say it straight" Jack said.

"OK here goes. There are some very bad people after Megane Rose. It's very dangerous for her."

"NO!" said Ianto. Jack hugged his husband and baby protectively.

"She's in danger and she needs to be hidden. We need to... we need to pretend she's died. I know a safe place to send her to hide and in a few years time we can come back for her and she'll be safe and hopefully she won't be chased anymore."

"you can't take my baby away" Ianto cried, tears running down his face. "She's ours. OUR BABY!" He sobbed into Jack's chest. A single tear slid down Jack's cheek. The others looked stunned. The Doctor hated the look on Rose's face. Just when everything looked OK, it had all gone horribly wrong.

"Couldn't we... I mean, we live in a bloody time machine..." Donna began.

"Yes," the Doctor said. "Which makes things easier. What will be a few years of Megane's life will only be a few weeks of ours."

"Do we have to?" sobbed Ianto.

"I trust the Doctor" Jack said bravely. "I know this is for the best. Can we have one last night with our baby?"

"Yes" the Doctor said. "We'll take her to her safe place tomorrow."

_~Ianto's diary~_

_18th October_

_I can't believe that this had to happen. I knew it was too good to be true. Today the Doctor told us that they are after Megane Rose and we have to send her into hiding for weeks. Years of her life. I won't be the one to see her say her first word. Jack won't be the one to teach her to ride a bike. I won't be the one to teach her how to read and count to ten in Welsh. It's the worst thing in the world. But I can't be selfish. She'll die if she stays here with us. We all will maybe. I need to give her a chance but it hurts more than any pain I've felt before._

_~Jack's diary~_

_18th October_

_I am cursed never to be happy. The brightest point of my life is come to an end now and there is nothing any of us can do. The Doctor has tried his best but it's not enough. Today me and Ianto spoilt our baby and showered her with kisses. She's asleep now and I already miss her more than I thought possible._

~The next day~

"Where exactly are we taking her?" Jack said as the Doctor fiddled about with the TARDIS controls.

"51st Century."

"Not being funny, but bad things happen there too" Jack said. He remembered losing Gray all those years ago.

"Trust me, Megane Rose will be safe with my friend. She's a good woman and nobody will ever think to look there."

Donna recogised the place immediately and looked at the Doctor questioningly. He pressed a few buttons on the computer and led everyone onto the teleporter. Everyone except Donna and the Doctor looked very puzzled.

They reached a small house and a lady with curly hair came out.

"Hi River" said Donna. "Read any good books lately?"

"As a matter of fact I have" River Song said. She held up a letter with a stamp. "I got your email" she said.

Jack and Ianto followed in. Ianto was sure he saw recognition on Jack's face at the lady.

"So this must be Megane Rose" River said. "I heard all about her. I promise you she will be safe here. There's other children to play with and she'll get the best education in the world. Every book ever written is in here."

Nobody noticed Jack and Handy slip off. Everyone was too preoccupied with meeting the lady who would be raising Megane Rose.

"So I hear you and the Doctor are together" she said to Rose. "He was always hung up on you. You look very healthy. I bet you're going to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet soon too!"

"I'm not..." Rose said.

"Oh goodness me I'm so sorry. When you're in love you often get a little fuller. I'm sorry. You must be happy."

"Right now's the time." The Doctor said grimly.

Each person held the baby and said goodbye. The Doctor kissed her. Rose shed a tear and breathed in the baby smell. Handy and Donna both tickled her as they loved the sound of her laughter. Ianto and Jack were inconsolable. The Doctor had to prize her away.

Just as they were about to leave Handy said:

"Wait River! Remember when we... well, I mean he... but remember when we first met and we were all very confused? Well I just realised that it's not him but it's me who was your Doctor. I want to stay here with you. I love you River! I love you so much and I want to be with you."

River blushed. "Of course you can" she said.

The group left smaller. Dinner was a sad miserable affair.

_~Ianto's diary~_

_19th October_

_Well I said goodbye to my baby and it feels like part of me has been ripped apart. She's safe though, safe from whatever is out to get her and that's good. They'll never find her inside a computer. But still, I cant stop crying. I hate this so much._

_~The Doctor's diary~_

_19th October_

_I had to do it and I hate myself for it. I hate myself so much. Over dinner I looked at my knife and under the table I poked it into my skin. It didn't make me feel better but I deserve the pain. Once again I have ruined a life. Several lives. Ruined a family. I deserve to hurt._

_~Donna's diary~_

_19th October_

_What a horrible day. Also I LOST HANDY! WHAT THE HELL IS HE PLAYING AT?????????_

_~Jack's diary~_

_19th October_

_I just know that something bad is going to happen. I feel it in my bones. Thing is, I know River Song. I know her well. No not in *that* way! I knew her when I was a time agent. I mean maybe she's mellowed now but I don't trust her at all. That's why I sent the other Doctor to stay there. He's a great friend, he truly is. He'll watch over our baby. I hope this all blows over soon. I miss her so much. I'm trying to stay strong for Ianto but he thinks I'm being cold. I wish he knew how much I want to sob my eyes out._

_~Rose's dairy~_

_19th October_

_I'm fat again. I didn't eat dinner to make up for it. Nobody noticed and I'm not surprised we're all so sad._

_~The Doctor's diary~_

_25th October_

_Nothing can help this pain I feel. Even the cut of the knife across my skin does nothing. I will still do it though. The scabs and scars remind me of what I've done._

_~Handy's diary~_

_25th October_

_It's quite boring here really. River mostly plays with the kids which is good because I don't really like having to shag her all the time. She's a nice lady, I'm sure, but I just don't want to do that all the time. I don't think she's up to no good, though. I miss everyone so much. Megane Rose grew her first tooth today. I'm writing this down so I can show Jack and Ianto when we're all back together. I hope it's soon. Oooh, I have to go I think I can hear someone coming._

Handy put down his pen and listened out. A knock at the door. But not one knock. It went tap-tap tap-tap. He froze in horror. He knew that rhythm.

* * *

OH NOES!!!!!!! EVERYTHING HAS ALL GONE HORRIBLY WRONG!!!!!!!!!

What do you think will happen next? Leave a review and tell me what you think should happen. And leave a review or the badgers will get you :p


	6. Chapter 6

An angry troll pointed out in the reviews of the previous incarnation of this fic that it was written by a troll. This is not true. Well, maybe slightly. At any rate, this fic was intentionally written to be bad as part of a challenge at a bad fanfiction mocking website called Why, God, Why (dot org). By this point I expect that many readers will have flounced away in a fit of outrage. Please don't. If you read on, you may discover ways to write—and read—better fanfiction. I am going to give a detailed explanation of what sucked about this story. I shall bold the important bits for those who only wish to skim. You seem like nice people, so why not turn the experience of being trolled into something positive? If it pisses you off, pop by . You'll probably be roundly mocked.

This fic was written to incorporate certain tropes which are frequently found in bad fanfics. Individually each trope sucks. Together they produce a steaming mess of utter garbage. **This story was nothing more than a series of clichés stitched together into an orgy of ever-more-ridiculous melodrama. **

First and foremost is MPREG. MPREG itself is not inherently bad, but the way it is handled in many stories (including this one) _is_. Now, Ianto becoming pregnant with Jack's baby could make quite an interesting story if either were remotely in character, and the implications were explored. What happened in this story was that Ianto Jones, an interesting character, was turned into a proxy woman. This happens in many stories I have seen, and **it sucks away all that is interesting about the fandom and the canon and instead provides us with a clichéd, boring story** that has been told countless times before. As an additional point, **is it really likely that Jack and Ianto would name their child after a car with a fat arse**?

Next up is Rose's eating disorder. I almost felt uncomfortable writing this bit as it went against everything I know about a very real psychological condition. I deliberately wrote it so badly that it's nigh-on impossible to tell exactly what eating disorder she had. It's still moderately better than some of the crap I have seen floating around on here. The key point here is **do some bloody research. **Seriously. **Eating disorders are not merely thinking that you are fat and not eating. **Eating disorders come in many shapes and sizes and are complex psychological problems. **Eating disorders are not cured by a cuddle and someone saying "I love you". **Being a complex psychological problem, _of course_ this is the case. Yet I have repeatedly seen this being used as a cure.

The Doctor's cutting is equally poorly handled and for the most part the same points apply. I should also mention again the issue of characterisation. It's marginally plausible that Rose might develop an eating disorder, and if handled correctly and written well, that could make an interesting story. However, is it even remotely likely that the Doctor, who has been through much more shit than our tiny human brains can comprehend, would start cutting himself like an emo teenager? I think not. **Don't ignore a character's background simply to turn them into a puppet for your poor plot. **

Each and every character was mutilated for the purpose of the "plot" of this story. Donna and 10.5 (incidentally, when discussing 10.5 I often do refer to him as "Handy". It is, however, an inappropriate name for use in fanfiction) are merely moving wallpaper. Poor River Song is twisted into a conniving psycho ex who perpetrates unspeakable evil for no apparent reason. I almost felt like giving her a moustache to twirl. I chose River Song as she is generally—and in my opinion unfairly—disliked by the fandom. This is due to another bad fanfiction cliché: **the woman who breaks up the OTP is an evil conniving bitch. **This is something that crops up repeatedly and is really, really bloody annoying. Please try not to do this. **There was nothing in canon to suggest River Song was evil. **She was only disliked because she was not Rose (or Martha), yet had a good relationship with the Doctor.

Now on to issues with the writing. First and foremost, this fic was paced terribly. This was due to my use of the "secret baby" trope. So the "secret" is dragged out for chapters and chapters, in which nothing really happens. Then, come chapters four and five, everything happens. Loads of things. **Bad pacing makes a story difficult to read and even more difficult to enjoy**. So don't write three completely uneventful chapters followed by one in which several major events occur. Spread it out! Or, better still, have something interesting happen in each chapter.

Next up is the diary entries. **The diary entries did not follow the characters' voices at all. **That's bad enough. However, I am of the opinion that **diary entries on the whole are lazy writing**. Don't just slam down a lot of "blah blah blah, I think this, waaaah" into a diary entry. _Show_ me how the character is feeling. If you must use diary entries, make sure it's what the character would write. Do you really think Jack Harkness would use multiple exclamation marks, for example? Adults don't tend to do this.

So to conclude, there were many things that suck about this fic that are in no way unique to it. I think, overall, the key thing to ask yourself when reading or writing fanfiction is **"Would character X really respond in this way to situation Y?" **If the answer is "no" or even "I'm not sure" then maybe you need to think things over.

Thank you for reading this, if you did. If you're still all offended, come by and yell at us. We won't be sympathetic.


End file.
